Shaina Feingold

My Journey To Becoming A Therapist Was Not Typical

I didn’t dream about becoming a therapist. I was not the person everyone went to when they had a problem. In fact if you would have told me that I would become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker I probably would have laughed at you. I was not very in touch with my emotions and did not open up about my own struggles.

My plan when I was in college, at the University of Maryland, was to work for the government. In fact, I had a position with the Department of Homeland Security in their immigration fraud department. It was far more interesting on paper. I did not find it satisfying sitting behind a computer reading about people’s stories. I needed something more! I wanted to hear people’s experiences myself, not just read about them!

It was that epiphany that led me to get my masters in social work. I realized I had a passion for hearing people’s stories and understanding the world from their point of view. I believe everyone has a story to share and that those stories have meaning. I know that, because I too have a story, and as I got older it’s my story that led me to specializing in maternal mental health.

So What Is My Story?

When I was 8 years old I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis (CF). Of course living with CF is definitely a challenge. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t. Managing my health, motherhood and a career is not easy! Yet, for much of my life I held the belief that if I ignored my problems they would go away. I believed that talking with a therapist was a waste of time. No amount of talking about how CF impacted me would make my struggles disappear. This was my life and nothing could change that.

Then I tried to get pregnant and the struggles pertaining to CF came to the surface. I struggled with fertility and while the true diagnosis was “unexplained infertility”, I knew the CF was the cause. I became very frustrated and angry with my situation. I was watching friends and family fall pregnant (sometimes without evening trying) and I was devastated. That took a huge toll on my mental health.

Unfortunately, I Still Didn’t Feel The Need For Therapy

When I became pregnant through the magic of western medicine, everything changed. If I thought my mental health was bad before, oh boy did it plummet. My pregnancy was tough! My health deteriorated quickly, and with it my mental health. I finally made the decision to see a therapist.

I worked with a couple different therapists because ultimately you have to find the one that fits your personality and your needs. However, everyone just wanted to talk. I wanted to heal! I told my story 10,000 different ways, but nothing ever changed. I would feel satisfaction after a session, but nothing long lasting. To me that felt like a band-aid. As a result, I pressed the pause button on therapy. As I transitioned from being pregnant to being a mom I didn’t have the time or energy to sit and talk about my struggles. Who has time to not feel or see progress?

My Motherhood Experience

When I became a mother I thought I was ready for it, but it turns out nothing could prepare me for what was to come. No matter how hard I tried, I could not keep up with everything that was expected of me. I became severely depressed and anxious. Not only did I struggle mentally, but my physical health was in the toilet as well. There were moments when I felt like my legs weighed a thousand pounds and getting off the couch seemed like an impossible task.

At some point I realized I couldn’t continue the way I was going. I couldn’t be present for my son and that was devastating to me. Here I wanted motherhood and I couldn’t be the mom I had dreamed of being. That’s when I realized I needed to seek out therapy again, but this time I needed to find a different way. That is when I found Brainspotting.

For the first time I was able to not just talk about my experiences and trauma, but actually process them on a deeper, more profound level. I was healing those old wounds! With a combination of weekly brainspotting and a new miracle medication for CF, my life turned around. The emotional pain slowly dwindled and I am finally able to be present for my children.