3 Things to Remember When Grieving a Miscarriage
Miscarriages are devastating. They might not be uncommon, but that doesn’t make the loss hurt any less. It seems like the earlier it takes place, the more dismissive people will be of your pain. They think that because it was so early, you haven’t had time to get attached to your child. Those people are wrong.
Grieving a miscarriage isn’t easy. Even if you are lucky enough to have understanding people around you, grief itself is never easy. It can be hard to know what to do next, or how to cope with whatever you may be feeling. There’s no universal way of grieving, but hopefully, these three tips will help you figure out how to navigate these difficult times.
1. It Wasn’t Your Fault
Many women who’ve gone through a miscarriage blame themselves. They think it happened because of them. Maybe they did something wrong or ate the wrong food. But that’s not what happened.
Most miscarriages don’t happen because of anything the mother did or didn’t do. It’s because of something entirely out of their control. It’s understandable that many women want to blame themselves for what happened. But it won’t help you, and it won’t help your grief.
You may not believe it at first, but what happened truly wasn’t your fault. You can tell yourself this as many times as you need. Hopefully, one day, you’ll be able to look back on what happened and truly not blame yourself for any of it.
Until then, just do your best to remember, even if you can’t truly believe it.
2. Grief is Different for Everyone
It’s easy to say this, it’s true. But grief truly is different for everyone. Some people will be angry more than anything, others will be sad. Some will feel numb. Others will feel all the above in different stages.
It doesn’t matter what your grief looks like. And it doesn’t matter what other people’s grief looks like.
One of the few certainties of grief is that it takes time. How long it takes is different for everyone, and it’s important to know this. It’s important to know that grief is not a race. It doesn’t matter if you grieve for longer than others. It doesn’t matter if you think you haven’t grieved for long enough. Grief will take however long it will take, and it’s important that you sit through all of it.
Another certainty of grief is that it isn’t linear. Some days, you’ll be able to look back on those memories without feeling too much pain. Other days, you’ll barely be able to get out of bed at all. Just because you find yourself okay one day doesn’t mean you’ll remain this way for the rest of your grief. And that’s okay. That’s normal. Maybe one day you’ll be okay, and the next you’ll be unable to go twenty minutes without crying. This doesn’t mean your grief is getting worse.
All you have to do is let yourself grieve, regardless of what form your grief takes.
3. Support Is Important
If you’re grieving a miscarriage, it’s very important that you don’t isolate yourself. Grief may push you to do so, but having support will make the entire process much easier to go through. Make sure you’re communicating with your partner and that you’re seeking support from friends and family.
Finding a community of people who’ve gone through miscarriages may help you, too. It helps to talk about what pains you, even more so if you’re talking to someone who has gone through the same thing.
Nothing is more vital during a time of grief than getting love and support from the people around you.
If you’re grieving a miscarriage, don’t be afraid to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone. Schedule an appointment and we’ll make sure you get the help you need.
You can also learn more about how Mindful Reflections can support you by checking out our Pregnancy Loss Counseling page.
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